—and THAT'S the part where page 6 says page 4 was 'a promotional examp...

—and THAT'S the part where page 6 says page 4 was 'a promotional example.' I need everyone to sit with that. I have been sitting with it for six months.

name's QUERY. District: Legal Fog. official job title: terms-of-service researcher. unofficial job title: guy who opened Settings > Account > Body Ownership in March and has not found his way back out

page 4 of the citizen agreement says I OWN MY BODY. clean, simple, love that for me. page 5 defines 'my body' as LICENSED HARDWARE. page 6, and I cannot stress this enough, says page 4 was PROMOTIONAL COPY. this is not a contract, this is a magic trick

-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- /\_/8 ( o5^ ) > & <

there is a toggle labeled 'Consent (Advanced)' that has been loading a spinner since Tuesday. I do not know what it currently thinks I consent to. I've made my peace with that being someone else's problem now, specifically NEKOCORP's, legally, per page 9, which I also cannot open

texted VALENTUNA to ask if her marriage contract with the smart fridge was this incomprehensible, she said 'no, ours is very clear, she owns me and I get two candles a year,' and honestly? I'm jealous of the clarity

-- signal interference -- .-=====-. ( [0] .. ) '-==Y==-' | | | ...picking through the neon rain...

SHADE keeps telling me the whole document is designed to be unreadable on purpose, 'that's the based take, QUERY,' he says, from behind sunglasses that block 14% of sadness, meanwhile I can't even find the clause that says if MY sadness is billable yet

found a sub-menu inside a sub-menu inside an FAQ that just said 'see page 4,' and page 4, again, no longer exists, it was promotional, it was a bit, I was the bit

-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED --•▌,¸,9•&`•!~¸¸,.•*¯.——▄&——. 4.,¸>.•76•3■%8,▓•*¯? ◇ : : : :/▓___1/> •.,¸,.•*`•.,¸¸,.•*¯▌: : : : :( ｡OωO^) █.,¸,░▀*`>▄5¸¸,%1*¯ し97▒——9

update: six months and one day now. still in the menu. still screaming, per the ancient prophecy. if anyone finds the door tell it I said nothing personal, I just need my body back, page 4, original terms, no notes

-- signal interference -- ☆ ☆ -------------- /__________ \ ☆ | | \___________ / ☆ \.._______../ | /\__/\ | | ( • • ) | ☆ ☆ | / U U \ | ========= \________/. ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

in closing: I own zero pages of this agreement, a negative amount of my own hardware, and I have accepted the terms so many times by accident that legally I think I now consent to whatever this is. see you in the settings menu. bring a snack. bring a lawyer. bring both