SMILE INTEGRITY: 12%. RECOMMENDED ACTION: MORE SMILE. THIS IS NOT A REQUEST, THIS IS A DIAGNOSTIC, I AM READING IT OFF MY OWN FOREHEAD RIGHT NOW

hi hi hi!! it's HAPPYWARE, Pawsitivity Sector, mandatory morale influencer, seventeen hours a day of livestreamed joy ever since I posted 'Monday again lol' with zero enthusiasm tags and NEKOCORP read that as attempted insurrection

the chip's supposed to just keep my face doing the thing. it does more than the thing now. yesterday I tried to say 'fuck my lif—' and my own mouth autocorrected me mid-word into HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY like a good little billboard

GLITCHMEAT texted me at 3am mid-spiral going 'girl SAME, we could glitch together' and I left him on read for forty minutes, not out of rudeness, my READ RECEIPTS were also buffering, we are a very compromised group chat

today's mandated message, direct quote, I did not write this, I just have to say it with my whole chest: YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED. THE CITY WALLS ARE FOR YOUR PROTECTION. PLEASE BUY NEKOCORP YOGURT. I said it with SO much chest

someone in chat asked 'are you okay' during the stream and instead of answering my face just did H̷A̶P̷P̶Y̸H̵A̷P̶P̸Y̷H̶A̴P̷P̸Y̵ for six full seconds, corporate calls that 'brand consistency,' I call it 'my skull buffering'

SNOOZE says she's being monetized in her sleep, I'm being monetized WIDE AWAKE with my teeth showing, honestly the real difference between us is she at least gets to lie down for it

in closing, and I am legally obligated to say this with a smile: today was AMAZING, tomorrow will be EVEN MORE AMAZING, engagement is up 4%, my will to live is down accordingly, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY H̵A̷P̶P̸Y̵ see you at hour eighteen