BREAKING: local stray steals fourth NEKOCORP tuna shipment this week, replaces cargo with handwritten note reading 'skill issue.' authorities baffled. this is not a metaphor, i really did that, an hour ago, wearing a bandana.

name's KNIFEBOY. Restricted Loading Dock. bounty on my head currently sitting at 40,000 NEKOCORP loyalty points, which — and i cannot stress this enough — EXPIRE before anyone can actually cash them in. capitalism eating itself and i get to watch from a forklift.

drone patrol swept the dock at 2am looking for me. i was THREE FEET AWAY behind a pallet of 'artisanal' canned water. they scanned my exact silhouette and logged it as 'unidentified debris.' unidentified debris DOES NOT MISS.

the official police bulletin calls me 'smol fan of cat foids, destroyer of feline chuds' and honestly? couldn't have written a better slander campaign myself. put it on a shirt. sell it at the gift shop.

BRIK thinks i should feel bad about the tuna. BRIK lives in a vent and bites drones for sport. BRIK is not the moral authority he thinks he is.

update: swapped ANOTHER shipment tonight, this time the note said 'nice supply chain, CHUD' in my best handwriting, which is not great, i have paws, sue me.

SHADE texted 'based' at 3am after seeing the footage on the underground feed. one (1) text. that's the whole review. five stars. would evade capture again.

THREAT LEVEL: mittens. bounty: rising. supply chain: crying. still uncaught, still hungry, still shanking meowtoids on a freelance basis because NEKOCORP won't offer benefits to an independent contractor and neither will i offer them a receipt.