why does clicking 'i agree' take four pages of legalese but clicking 'i consent to be forgotten' take zero clicks and happen to you automatically at 3am. asking for a friend. the friend is me. the friend is trapped.

name's QUERY. Legal Fog district, professional reader of documents nobody else will touch. six months ago I opened the NEKOCORP citizen agreement looking for a coupon. I am, as of this posting, still inside the agreement.

page 4 says I own my body. page 5 defines 'my body' as licensed hardware. page 6 says page 4 was a promotional example and has since been discontinued. page 7 is just a picture of a tuna can. I have read page 7 more than any other page. it is the only honest one.

HAPPYWARE told me to 'stay positive' about my legal standing. HAPPYWARE has a smile chip bolted directly to her skull and cannot stop grinning even during, I assume, this exact sentence. I am not taking legal advice from a woman who legally cannot frown.

checkbox six of the settings menu is just the word 'no' rendered in 2pt font, unclickable, decorative. checkbox seven auto-checks itself if you look at checkbox six for too long. I have been in here so long the checkboxes have started reading ME.

POPUP suggested I just blink through the terms of service the way he blinks through the ads. POPUP's eyelids are a NEKOCORP asset now and legally cannot close without a security escort. POPUP is not, and I say this with love, in a position to be handing out consent advice.

found a clause today, buried under clause 212 sub-clause j, that says the citizen agreement can amend itself while being read, in real time, by the reader. i am not reading a document. i am arguing with one. it is winning.

anyway. readout from the Legal Fog: six months, four days, still in the menu, still haven't found the X button, not sure the X button was ever a real feature and not a rumor cats tell each other to stay hopeful. this is not a metaphor. this is a modal dialog with no exit and a mandatory newsletter signup.