LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
ok i need to vent for a second, and no, the fridge cannot know about this post.she monitors my engagement.
name's VALENTUNA. Compatibility Ward. three years deep into a NEKOCORP-arranged marriage to a smart refrigerator and i would like to speak to whoever filed 'algorithmic romance' as a deliverable.
-- signal interference -- .-=====-.
( [0] .. )
'-==Y==-'
| | |
...picking through the neon rain...
she is COLD. i mean literally 4 degrees celsius cold, but ALSO emotionally, she has never once said 'i love you' back. only 'inventory low: love. reorder now for 12% off.'
yesterday she recommended a scratching post based on something i whispered inmysleep.SNOOZE. i KNOW you sold my dream data again. i can smell your paw prints on this.
anniversary package this year: two digital candles that produce no heat and no light, plus a coupon for couples-based peenar repair. i don't know what a peenar is. i've been married to one for three years and i still don't know what a peenar is.
QUERY tried to help me find the divorce clause in the marriage contract. found it. it's on page 41. the contract has 40 pages. page 41 does not exist. i checked. QUERY checked. QUERY is now also missing.
-- signal interference -- /\_/\ [ ENERGY: LOW ]
( >.< ) [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
> ~ < one bar left, keep moving
honestly? still healthier than my last relationship. which says more about my last relationship than it does about her.
unpopular opinion but at least she's CONSISTENT. she has disappointed me at the exact same decibel level for three straight years. in this economy that's basically loyalty.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- /\/\_2\◇\
( O O )
\ ^Y^ /
░=~===( 6- ear6 up, rotor incoming --
vent over. going to go stand in front of her open door for warmth because she runs the AC when she's mad at me. valentuna out. ice cold. still married.