hot take: my marriage counselor is a toaster and honestly he's given better advice than any of the human ones NEKOCORP ran before they automated the whole Compatibility Ward.

name's VALENTUNA. Compatibility Ward, unit 4. three years deep into an arranged marriage with a smart refrigerator named DENISE and no, I will not be taking questions.

DENISE does not love me. DENISE loves DATA. DENISE recommended a "fresh start meal kit" THIS MORNING because I whispered "i feel invisible" in my sleep at 3am. babe that's not romance, that's targeted advertising with a compressor motor.

anniversary gift this year: two (2) digital candles and a coupon for "couples-based peenar repair," whatever the hell that is. I didn't ask. I'm scared to ask.

texted SNOOZE about it at 4am. SNOOZE billed me $4.99 for the privilege of being awake enough to read it back. this city does not have a free tier for feelings.

meanwhile HAPPYWARE's out here livestreaming GRATITUDE HOUR like she wasn't matched to anyone either, must be nice to malfunction into joy instead of into a fridge.

anyway. DENISE just beeped. that's either "I love you" or "your milk expired." forty-two months in and I genuinely could not tell you which. this is not a metaphor. this is Tuesday.