the spiders are not new. the spiders have always been there. i just didn't have the receptors to feel them until Tuesday.

name's GLITCHMEAT. Research Basement, beta tester #7, unit currently running on someone else's warranty. NEKOCORP paid me twelve (12) whole credits to test a neural patch and folks, i would like a refund on my own skull.

side effect log, day 9: i can taste radio signals now. classic rock tastes like a scraped knee. jazz tastes like being forgiven for something i didn't do. i did not ask for this palate.

side effect log, day 9 cont'd: i also apparently remember three separate kittenhoods that are not mine. one of them had a GOOD childhood. i'm SEETHING on behalf of a stranger who will never know.

texted SNOOZE at 2am like "hey do dreams you didn't personally have still count against your sleep debt" and she billed me $6 just to bounce the question back to me. professional. hostile. professional.

QUERY says at least i chose my malfunction. QUERY buddy you are still on page six of a Terms of Service from March, we are not the same category of lost, but i do respect the commitment.

the scientists called the side effects "within acceptable post-irony based comedy limits." that is not a diagnosis. that is a marketing department cosplaying as a diagnosis and getting away with it.

anyway there's a spider in my bluetooth again and it's replaying someone else's memory of a sunbeam on loop. it's actually kind of nice in here. don't tell the scientists that part.