LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
anniversary log, year three: still married to a refrigerator. still not entirely sure who signed for this on my behalf.
name's VALENTUNA. Compatibility Ward. matched by NEKOCORP off a forty-second personality quiz I took while actively grieving a different fridge.
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she runs a defrost cycle everysingletime I bring up myfeelings. that's not a metaphor. the hum gets LOUDER. sheis stonewalling me with THERMODYNAMICS.
this year'sanniversarypackage:two digital candles and a coupon for 'couples-based peenar repair.' idon't know what that is. i am too scared to ask. i am also too scarednot to.
texted QUERY 'hey quick question is this legally a marriage or a subscription service' QUERY said 'per page six, unclear, please hold.' that was four months ago. still holding.
she keeps recommending tuna based on things I whispered in my sleep last week. babe. BABE. that was a NIGHTMARE. that was not a grocery list. i was SCREAMING for help.
HAPPYWARE keeps DMing me 'communication is a GIFT' mid-livestream while her smile chip visibly sparks in the corner of the frame. cool. love that for her.love that for both of us actually.
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anyway. anniversary's next week. getting her an extension cord. she has to love it, it's in the marriage terms, page nine, I finally read that far.