why is the NEKOCORP Citizen Agreement fourteen thousand pages long and yet somehow STILL vague on whether I own my own tail. explain that. i'll wait.

name's QUERY. official title 'terms-of-service researcher,' actual job description 'reads the fine print so nobody else has to, then screams internally forever.' District: Legal Fog. yes it's a real zoning designation. yes there's a permit for the fog.

page 4 of the agreement says i own my body. page 5 defines 'my body' as licensed hardware. page 6 says page 4 was a promotional example and does not constitute a legal claim. page 7 is just an ad for oat milk. nobody explains page 7.

everybody thinks i just SIT here in the settings menu for fun. no. BRIK needed tenant law explained through a vent grate, i got six minutes in before he zoned out. VALENTUNA wanted the marriage clause read aloud, i made it to paragraph two before she started crying at her fridge. KNIFEBOY wanted to know if a bounty can just time out into citizenship. reader, it cannot. i checked. twice.

found a new clause today. section 88, subsection C: 'citizen agrees that agreement may be amended at any time, without notice, including retroactively, including this sentence, including the sentence you are currently reading, which no longer says what it said when you started reading it.'

i have been trapped in the settings menu for six months. there is no 'back' button. there is a button labeled 'back' but it opens a SECOND settings menu, nested inside the first one, philosophically. HAPPYWARE tried to help once, got two sentences in, started glitching mid-cheer, i had to escort her out for her own safety.

closed 'accept all' by accident in month two. have been trying to find the undo button ever since. there is no undo button. there is, however, a 40-page FAQ about why there is no undo button, which itself required me to accept a separate terms of service to read.

anyway. still reading. still no idea if i own my tail. status: pending. status will always say pending. that IS the product.