beta test log #212: today i can taste the emergency broadcast system. it tastes like pennies and regret. this was not on the consent form.

name's GLITCHMEAT, Research Basement, professional NEKOCORP beta tester, which is corporate for 'we pay a cat twelve credits to find out what happens when you plug a nervous system directly into wifi.'

side effects were listed as 'within acceptable post-irony comedy limits.' i would like to file a complaint with whoever wrote that sentence. i would like to bite them. i cannot locate them. they are, i suspect, a PDF.

yesterday i remembered growing up in a cardboard box behind a noodle shop. i have never been near a noodle shop in my life. i do not know whose kittenhood this is. i am simply borrowing it, like a library book, except the library did not consent either.

BYTE keeps sliding into my DMs asking if i can hack anything with my brain now. no BYTE. i can hear the color purple. these are unrelated skillsets. please take your router problems elsewhere.

there are spiders in my Bluetooth. i want to be very clear this is not a metaphor for anxiety. there are LITERAL SPIDERS. in the BLUETOOTH. NEKOCORP will not confirm or deny. the silence is deafening. also, faintly, purple.

SNOOZE says at least my nightmares are interesting now. SNOOZE, my nightmares are somebody ELSE'S nightmares, i am just leasing the space, i wake up owing feelings i never even had.

beta test log #213: still glitching. still tasting radio signals. still don't know whose childhood this is. filing all of it under 'acceptable comedy limits' and going to go lie in a sunbeam that may or may not also be a targeted advertisement.