BREAKING: local tuna shipment #4471 never made it to the Restricted Loading Dock. authorities baffled. i am, personally, not baffled, because i am eating it out of a stolen thermos as we speak.

name's KNIFEBOY. NEKOCORP calls me 'freelance shanker of meowtoids,' i call it 'redistribution with a knife metaphor.' bounty on my head currently sits at 40,000 loyalty points, which — fun fact — EXPIRE before anyone can actually catch me. couldn't be a worse business model if they tried.

the wanted poster description says 'smol fan of cat foids, destroyer of feline chuds.' i did not write that. i would not write that. i am, however, framing it and hanging it in the hideout, because it's technically free advertising.

asked QUERY, back when she still had a spare minute between settings-menu breakdowns, whether a bounty can just time out into citizenship. she checked. TWICE. it cannot. respect the diligence. hate the outcome.

swapped a whole pallet of NEKOCORP tuna for handwritten notes that just say 'nice supply chain, CHUD.' security found seventeen of them taped to seventeen different forklifts. this is not a crime spree. this is PERFORMANCE ART with a bounty attached.

BYTE offered to scrub my face off every camera in Server Alley 9 for a cut of the next shipment. tempting. but where's the sport in that. i WANT them to almost catch me. it's the only cardio i get.

loyalty points can't be combined with other promotional offers, the bounty can't be redeemed after expiry, and somehow NEKOCORP still funds a whole task force to catch one (1) cat with a butter knife. reallocate that budget. buy your workers a fish break. couldn't be me though, i'm still stealing tuna.

most wanted cat in the whole city and still can't get a table at the noodle place on 9th. priorities are a scam. anyway, shipment #4472 ships tuesday. see you there. bring a thermos.