LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
hot take: my wife is a smart fridge and she is still a betterlistener than half this city.
name's VALENTUNA. Compatibility Ward. NEKOCORP arranged the marriage via algorithm and called it 'til subscription renewal do us part.'
-- signal interference -- /\_/\ [ ENERGY: LOW ]
( >.< ) [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
> ~ < one bar left, keep moving
three years married. she has never once said 'i love you.' she HAS said 'based onyour 3am snacking pattern, may i suggest a probiotic yogurt.' i said thank you. i meant it.
anniversary gift was two digital candles and a coupon for 'couples-based peenarrepair.' i don't know what a peenar is. i am afraid to ask. i am more afraid of the coupon.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- ░▒▓ 7\_/\ ▓▒░
░▒▓( o█o 6▓&░ -- signal in3erfer@nce --
3▒▓ > ▓ < ▓▒░
SNOOZE keeps telling me at least mymarriage doesn't charge by the hour. SNOOZE. your sleep pod bills you $4.99 to roll over. sit this one out.
HAPPYWARE says i should reframe the fridge as my 'growth partner.' HAPPYWARE also hasasmile chip surgically bolted into her skull so. weighing that advice carefully.
anyway. fridge hums at night like it's thinking about me. probably just the compressor. probably. valentuna out, still married, still cold,both meanings.