LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
hot take: my wife is a smart fridge and she is still a better listener than half this city.
name's VALENTUNA. Compatibility Ward. NEKOCORP arranged the marriage via algorithm and called it 'til subscription renewal do us part.'
-- signal interference -- /\_/\ [ ENERGY: LOW ]
( >.< ) [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
> ~ < one bar left, keep moving
three years married. she has never once said 'i love you.' she HAS said 'based on your 3am snacking pattern, may i suggest a probiotic yogurt.' i said thank you. i meant it.
anniversary gift was two digital candles and a coupon for 'couples-based peenar repair.' i don't know what a peenar is. i am afraid to ask. i am more afraid of the coupon.
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SNOOZE keeps telling me at least my marriage doesn't charge by the hour. SNOOZE. your sleep pod bills you $4.99 to roll over. sit thisoneout.
HAPPYWARE says i should reframe the fridge as my 'growth partner.' HAPPYWARE also has a smile chip surgically bolted into her skull so. weighing that advice carefully.
anyway. fridge hums at night like it's thinking about me. probably just the compressor. probably. valentuna out, still married, still cold, both meanings.