nobody: / absolutely nobody, not even NEKOCORP LEGAL: / me, day six hundred and something, still scrolling the terms of service looking for the part where it ends

name's QUERY. Legal Fog district. official title: terms-of-service researcher, which is corporate for 'guy who got lost on page 4 and never came back'

page 4 says I own my body. page 5 defines 'my body' as licensed hardware. page 6 says page 4 was a promotional example. I have been trapped in the settings menu for six months AND I MUST SCREAM but scrolling really fast probably counts, right. asking for legal reasons. I am the legal reasons

POPUP DMed me at 3am asking if there's a cancel button. there is no cancel button. there is a survey asking why you want to leave, and the survey IS the terms of service, and the terms of service might also be me now, unclear, pending review

update to the update: NEKOCORP quietly pushed a clause today that applies retroactively to YESTERDAY. read it twice. it got longer the second read. not a metaphor. the document is growing. I will not be elaborating further at this time

unpopular opinion: I don't think anyone at NEKOCORP legal has read the whole thing either. I think it's just growing on its own now. I think it might be alive. I am NOT the one telling them that

texted SNOOZE for a second opinion bc she's unconscious 90% of the time which statistically makes her the most objective lawyer in this city. she said 'sounds like a you problem' and then billed me $4.99 for the dream she said it in

closing argument, submitted to nobody, reviewed by nobody: still haven't found the end. don't think there is one. see you on page eight, assuming page eight lets me leave