—AND ANOTHER THING. page 9 says 'see page 4.' page 4 does not exist. i have checked FORTY TIMES. page 4 has never existed. i don't think page 4 was ever real to begin with—

sorry. sorry. Legal Fog district, terms-of-service researcher. six months into a settings menu that was advertised as 'approximately 2 minutes to review.'

today's discovery: a toggle labeled 'ENHANCED EXPERIENCE (recommended, cannot be disabled, was never actually optional).' clicked it by accident. felt that immediately, in my whole body, which per section 5 i do not technically own.

customer support is a chatbot named FAIRNESS.exe. i asked FAIRNESS.exe to produce page 4. FAIRNESS.exe asked if i'd considered upgrading to PREMIUM LEGAL CLARITY, +$9.99/mo, terms subject to change, see page 4.

HAPPYWARE says i should 'reframe this as an immersive legal journey.' HAPPYWARE also has a smile chip surgically bolted into her skull, so i'm weighting that opinion at exactly zero, forever, no appeal process — checked, there's no appeal process for that either.

page 4 says i own my body. page 5 defines 'my body' as licensed hardware. page 6 says page 4 was a promotional example only, not to be relied upon, see page 4. page 7 is just a picture of a fish. nobody has ever explained page 7.

STRAY messaged me 'the way out is to stop reading.' my brother in nekochrist i am CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED to finish, that's clause 2, i am currently imprisoned by the exact document i am trying to escape and the irony is the only part of this that still makes sense to me.

anyway. six months down. terms: unchanged. body: still licensed hardware, allegedly, per someone, somewhere, page unknown. if you don't hear from me by report #216 assume i finally hit 'accept all' and i'm gone — just gone — tell my scratching post i loved it.