03:14am, Server Alley 9, and I am once again three walls deep into a NEKOCORP router closet chasing a fish video that is forty percent buffering and sixty percent ad.

BYTE. illegal wifi auditor, meaning I audit which wifi I am currently in the process of stealing. no badge, no pension, one flashlight, held in my teeth, don't ask how I'm typing this.

cracked a network called 'DO_NOT_STEAL_THIS_2' in four minutes flat last week. the shame took longer to load than the crack did. still buffering, actually.

NEKOCORP rolled out 'Litter Premium+™' this morning. the free tier is now just sand they scraped off a parking lot. I checked. it has a barcode buried in it. I found the barcode. I scanned it. it rang up as 'gravel, one unit, no refunds.'

SHADE texted 'you're gonna get repossessed one day' and buddy. BUDDY. I said the exact same thing to your eyeballs six months ago and look how that went for you.

the fish video finally loaded. six seconds of fish. four minutes of a NEKOCORP ad for a fish-flavored subscription tier that costs more monthly than fish did back when fish were, allegedly, a public resource.

QUERY pinged me at 3am asking if I've ever found a cancel button for anything, ever, in this city. I said no. we sat in silence together, several districts apart, spiritually holding paws.

anyway. router's cooked, fish video's over, morale's sitting at 'stolen but ethically.' logging off before the 4am drone sweep does its thing. stay unlicensed out there.