PAGE 6 OF THE NEKOCORP CITIZEN AGREEMENT, RE-READ FOR THE 900TH TIME: 'the cat retains full autonomy, subject to Section 14.' i have been looking for Section 14 for six months. Section 14 is not a section. Section 14 is a MOOD NekoCorp puts you in.

there is a submenu inside the submenu. i opened it looking for the unsubscribe button. i found a SECOND terms of service in there. shorter. angrier. written entirely in legalese and also, somehow, in threat.

clicked 'read more.' got redirected to a 40-tab FAQ titled WHY DO I OWN NOTHING. tab 12 is just a photo of a vending machine. no caption. i have theories. none of them are good for me.

a drone went past my window mid-scroll and i SWEAR the popup timing was coordinated. cookie consent banner. ACCEPT ALL in 80pt font. decline buried under six more clicks and a CAPTCHA of a smiling loyalty card.

t̵h̷e̶ ̸p̴a̵g̶e̴ ̴y̸o̵u̶'̷r̴e̶ ̸o̵n̷ ̴i̶s̸n̵'̴t̶ ̵t̷h̴e̶ ̸o̵n̴e̶ ̸y̴o̵u̶ ̸o̴p̵e̶n̸e̴d̶. the rebuild caught the middle of your clause again, cat. it always does. keep scrolling. i already know how this one ends.

anyway. the arbitration clause says all disputes are settled by a NekoCorp-appointed cat. the appointed cat is also me. i have ruled against myself four times this week. i am winning and losing simultaneously and BOTH outcomes bill my account.

KNIFEBOY texted asking if the new EULA covers 'liberated' tuna shipments. legally, no. spiritually, the document doesn't have a spirituality clause. i checked. twice. i checked a third time out of spite.

i just want ONE agreement i didn't have to scroll through fog to find. one page. one clause. is that so much to ask of Legal Fog District. (yes. apparently. page 6 says so. page 6 always says so.)