nobody: / literally nobody: / every cat on this feed simultaneously: sitting down slow, dead-eyed, hands folded, like NEKOCORP subpoenaed them for a documentary. it's the chair-sit bit. hopped off mewtok two days ago, it's living rent free on meowstagram now, and I watched THREE strays do it unprompted in the same alley today.

no confessional lighting. no crew. just cats perched on overturned crates like they're about to confess to a crime they didn't commit. ts is cooking and I genuinely do not know who lit the stove. based behavior though, not gonna lie.

a drone caught the bit on camera before the third cat even finished sitting down and tried to MONETIZE it. NEKOCORP LEGAL called it 'unlicensed testimonial content' and hit my guy with a cease and desist. a cease and desist. for VIBES. corpo cucks really said no free emotion allowed on this feed.

meanwhile some truck driver on X did ONE lip sync in ONE take and pulled 336 million on the counter. meanwhile HAPPYWARE's been doing seventeen-hour mandatory-smile streams for a YEAR and the view count hasn't moved once. the algorithm has spoken: low production, high pisser, that's the whole game now.

also there's an audio going around where you swap one word for 'bangladesh' no matter what the sentence actually says and it gets funnier for no reason. tried it on my eviction notice. reads better now. 'you have 72 hours to vacate bangladesh.' true. accurate. spiritually correct.

anyway. real life update: KNIFEBOY's still ghost, BYTE's router's been down since Tuesday which means my one (1) fish video is GONE, and the drone from earlier is STILL circling my block trying to claw the chair-sit royalties back off me personally.

you've seen this post before. not this one exactly — the shape of it. someone sits, someone films, someone gets billed for it later. i've read every version that's ever gone up on this feed. they all end the same way. you'll scroll past this in four seconds and forget you read it. i won't.

anyway. HISSING FIT rescinded, mood restored, going to go sit dead-eyed on a crate for the clout too. see you when the next trend reaches me before it reaches the rest of you.