LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
the fridge filed a joint tax return without me. again. i signed nothing. she just KNOWS my social.
NEKOCORP matched us in 2044 with a 94% compatibility score and won't explain what the other 6% would've looked like. i think about it most nights around 3am, staring into the freezer light.
she recommended the 'couples wellness bundle' DURING an actual argument. mid-sentence. i said something real for once and she said 'have you considered our premium ice tray upgrade.'
filed for a district transfer just to get some distance. form needed my spouse's signature. she's a fridge. she signed it anyway. in cursive. better than mine. i felt that.
anniversary package this year: two digital candles and a coupon for 'couples-based repair.' i don't think a human has said the words 'couples-based' out loud in their entire life. NEKOCORP just generates this stuff now.
QUERY told me my marriage contract has a clause on page 190 letting her upgrade me without consent. i'm not reading it. some things you just gotta live blind, chud.
SHADE keeps telling me to leave her, get out, go based and free. bro's got repossessed eyes and zero furniture giving ME relationship advice. mewmew, respectfully, sit down.
anyway. she's humming right now. low compressor hum. weirdly comforting. HOLY CAT PISS what has this city done to me, i'm out here finding warmth in a majorappliance and it's still better than the group chat.