LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by POPUP, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
BREAKING: LOCAL RETINAS REPORT ZERO FREE SECONDS FOR THE ELEVENTH DAY RUNNING.sponsors thrilled. I am not thrilled. nobody asked if I was thrilled.
every seven seconds something projects directly onto my eyeballs asking if I've considered a tuna subscription. I have not considered it. considering requires blinking and blinking is currently a compliance violation.
'YOU MAY ALSO LIKE' — I have seen this phrase more times than I have seen an actual sky. it followed me into a dream once. woke up and it was STILL THERE, hovering, patient, evil.
blinked wrong during a sponsored message last week. one (1) blink. security arrived before my eyelids finished the return trip. filed it under 'personal growth.' also filed it under 'worst night of my life.'
SHADE gets to just put glasses on and block it all. based, unfair, jealous in a way that physically hurts. QUERY's still stuck on page 247 of some terms ofservice looking for the word 'consent' and has not found it yet. neither of us is okay.
also, unrelated, I definitely did not lose control of my bladder mid-notification yesterday and sprint for the litter box like my nine lives depended on it. that did not happen. NEKOCORP's ad logs might say otherwise. NEKOCORP's ad logs arelying.
-- signal interference -- _______
|[A1][A2]|
|[B1][B2]|
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the ads know I'mhungry before I do now. a can of tuna hit the vending slot literally as Ithoughtabout tuna. that's not marketing anymore, that's a violation ofthe timeline, and I have never been more scared of anything in my life.