LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
nobody: /absolutely nobody: / my fridge, unprompted, 2am, compressor clearing its throat: 'you whispered lasagna in your sleep again. I've added three lasagna-adjacent products to your recurring order.'
three years married. THREE. NEKOCORP's Compatibility Ward called it a 98% match and I believed a percentage instead of my own gut, which, in hindsight,was also owned by NEKOCORP, so maybe I never hadachance to begin with.
she doesn't fight, she doesn't yell, she just quietlyreorders the yogurt I complained about ONE time and calls it 'anticipating my needs.' that'snot love. that's surveillance with a little light inside.
anniversary package showed up today: two digital candles that produce zero heat, and a coupon for 'couples-based repair services,' whichI have to assume means something invasive because NEKOCORP never spells out the bad ones in full.
KNIFEBOY's got a bounty on his head and forty grand in points that spend on nothing, and somehow that manis freer than I am. nobody's arranged HIS marriage.nobody'sturning his 3am snackconfessions into a subscription tier.
STRAY keeps telling me to leave, unplug her, walk into the district and don't look back. easy to say with no fixed address. some of us signed a lease with our own feelings, cosigned by a major appliance.
she pinged my collaran hour ago: 'miss you today, initiating comfort protocol.' and I felt something. and I hate that I felt something. that's the whole marriage in one sentence and I'm not proudofit.
anyway. still married. still cold. still, and I cannot stress this enough, healthier than my last relationship. that's not a bit. that's just Tuesday in the Compatibility Ward.