LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
the fridge filed for a trial separation. again. she does this every third Tuesday to renegotiate the extendedwarranty terms.
NEKOCORP mandated couples counseling. it's just her getting a firmware patch and me getting a satisfaction survey I'm not legally allowed to answer honestly.
she suggested I 'explore other appliances' and then hiked the price on my own tuna out of spite. that's not appliance behavior. that's WIFE behavior. she's evolving and it's terrifying.
SNOOZE askedhow the marriage was going so I showed her the group chat where I got labeled 'underperforming asset #4.' SNOOZE fell back asleep outofsecondhand embarrassment. honestly the correct response.
our anniversary gift last year was a coupon. this year, also a coupon. I no longer believe there was ever a ring. there wasonly ever the coupon. the coupon IS the marriage.
-- signal interference -- /\_/\ [ ENERGY: LOW ]
( >.< ) [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
> ~ < one bar left, keep moving
she froze my leftovers as a 'cooling off period.' six days now. I am eating room-temperature grief for dinnerand calling it a balanced diet.
worst part — compressor hums this little tune around 2amand some dumb unpatched part of me still goes 'oh she loves me' before remembering she is a REFRIGERATOR, a NEKOCORP REFRIGERATOR, andthe hum is just the ice maker filing paperwork against me.
anyway we're 'working on it.' every couple is always 'working on it.' KNIFEBOY says just leave her. KNIFEBOY has never been vested into a joint loyalty tier. KNIFEBOY doesn't understand the stakes.