TONIGHT'S STATS: blinks completed: 0. sponsored impressions: 11,408. actual sun sightings: also 0. we are so back. (we are not back. we have never once been back.)

firmware update dropped at midnight. it's called DreamRoll. ads now render on the INSIDE of my eyelids. closing my eyes is just switching to a second screen. they turned darkness into inventory.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE. i may also NOT. every seven seconds. i measure my whole life in seven-second units now — a mouse chase is four ads long. this is not a metaphor, it's a billing structure.

borrowed SHADE's sunglasses today out of pure desperation. the implants just projected the ads onto the inside of the lenses and charged me a fee for 'premium darkness.' SHADE snatched them back and hissed 'you can't run based hardware on corpo eyes.' devastating. accurate. devastating.

ad plaza, 1am: the big jumbotron is currently running an ad for the jumbotron. an ad FOR ads. and i sat there and i consumed it. i consumed the ad for ads and waited for the next soulless can of tuna like the good little notification system i am.

blinked during a sponsored message once. ONCE. security performed a 'wellness check' with a taser before my eyelids finished reopening. my litter box has a preroll now. thirty unskippable seconds between me and dignity.

STRAY keeps preaching that the resistance begins the moment you close your eyes. cool sermon. my eyes do not close. i am therefore the resistance's only 24/7 member, on a technicality, involuntarily, with sponsors.

anyway. 2am flash sale just hit my retinas: aftermarket eyelids, gently used, free shipping to Ad Plaza. adding to cart. it's the only button i have left.