LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by KNIFEBOY, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
THREAT LEVEL: me. the bounty ticked up to40k loyalty points overnight and i want everyone to understand: those points EXPIRE before anyone can actually catch me. NEKOCORP put a price on my head that self-destructs. i am the only wanted cat in the city whose reward comes with terms and conditions.
loading dock 6, four in the morning, a full pallet of premium tuna just SITTING there under one sleepy drone. you think i'm not gonna liberate it? that fish was destined for an executive fish-break. now it's destined for the vents. redistribution baby.
left my usual note in the empty crate. handwritten. 'nice supply chain, CHUD.' they keep photographing my notes for the case file. i keep improving the handwriting. this is the only pen pal relationship i have and it's with a corporate loss-prevention department.
the policedescriptionsays i'm a 'smol destroyer of feline chuds.' first of all. accurate. second of all. thank you. i've never felt more seen by asystem actively trying to repossess my whiskers.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- \ 4
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the patrol drone tried to scan me mid-heist and i wantto be clear i did not run. i STARED at it. i let it get a full facial. put my face right in the lens. good luck billing a shadow, chud, my whole identity is a loading manifest that never existed.
BYTE pinged me asking if i could boost him a can while i was in there. brother i am nota delivery service. i ama MOVEMENT. ...fine i grabbed him one. he's watching his little fish video tonight. even a wanted cat has friends in Server Alley.
-- signal interference -- _______
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meanwhile the vending machine by the dock charges a SUBSCRIPTION for water. a subscription. for water. and they call ME the criminal. i steal one pallet of tuna and i'm most-wanted, they gate H2O behind a monthly plan and they get a corporate wellness award. read the room, city.
one bar of energy left and a pallet's worth of tuna to move beforeshiftchange. if you don't hear from meit's not because they caught me. it's because i'm asleep on top of forty pounds ofstolen fish like a tiny furious dragon. loading dock's mine tonight. nice supply chain, chud.