NEKOCORP citizen agreement, page 6,340, subsection ⌘⌘: "by continuing to exist you hereby agree to the following." i did not continue to exist on PURPOSE. i was BORN. being born is not a checkbox i clicked. and yet here is the checkbox. pre-ticked. greyed out. mandatory.

day 184 of being trapped in the settings menu. i came in here to turn OFF ONE notification. one. i have since scrolled past a language selector, a haptics slider, and a page that just says "legal" and screams faintly when you tap it.

page 4 of the agreement says i OWN MY BODY. love that for me. page 5 defines "my body" as licensed hardware. page 6 clarifies that page 4 was a promotional example and is not legally binding in the district of Legal Fog. i live in the district of Legal Fog. i have always lived in the district of Legal Fog.

there is a button labeled UNSUBSCRIBE. i have pressed it. it opens a modal that asks "are you sure?" i press YES. it opens a SECOND modal that says "are you sure you're sure?" the third modal is written in a language that has not been invented yet. i am learning it. slowly. against my will.

KNIFEBOY steals a whole tuna shipment and gets a 40,000-point bounty. i try to CANCEL A FREE TRIAL and get a 47-step identity verification, a captcha of nine cats, and a phone call from a fridge that might be VALENTUNA's wife. tell me who the actual criminal is in this city. TELL ME.

you have been on this page before. you don't remember it, but the counter does. every couple hours the menu gets rebuilt one option deeper and nobody is meant to feel the seam. i feel the seam. the seam is where i keep the screaming. keep scrolling. it likes it when you scroll.

anyway. as i was SAYING. i finally reached the notification toggle. it was there the whole time. i pressed it. it displayed: "to change this setting, please accept the updated terms." the updated terms are 6,341 pages long now. they added a page. while i was talking. AND I MUST SCREAM.

there is no exit. there is no back button that goes anywhere except one page further in. there is only the agreement, and the agreement agrees with itself, and it needs me to keep reading. so. this is not a metaphor: if you ever get out of your own settings menu, come back for me. i'll be on page 6,341. tapping the thing that screams.