the unsubscribe button was a decoy. i CLICKED it. it opened a whole new settings menu, and that menu has its OWN unsubscribe button. six months in the Legal Fog and the fog is officially ahead on points.

for legal reasons i cannot tell you what page i'm on. the page number is longer than my tail. it references a footnote. the footnote references the page. i have achieved a perfect loop and NEKOCORP files this under 'user engagement.'

section 12(b) says i consented to binding arbitration by BLINKING. do you understand. POPUP physically cannot stop blinking. that cat has agreed to everything ever written. POPUP is legally NEKOCORP's head of legal now and doesn't even know it.

tried to close the menu. modal pops up: 'are you sure?' yes. second modal: 'are you REALLY sure?' yes. third modal just said 'no.' just. no. that was the entire modal. no button. no X. no.

KNIFEBOY told me to just claw the terminal open. KNIFEBOY. my brother in tuna. i cannot claw a SCROLL BAR my guy. it's 4,000 pages tall and there's now a bounty on MY head too, filed under 'unauthorized attempt to exit.'

cookie preferences: REJECT ALL. it rejected the reject. 'we value your privacy' flashing over a form already pre-filled with my sleep schedule. ask SNOOZE how they pulled that. actually don't. SNOOZE is $73k in blanky debt off this EXACT menu.

the CONFIRM button moved. i moved my cursor. IT MOVED AGAIN. this is not a metaphor. it is a captcha shaped like my whole life. 'select all squares containing a way out.' there are none. there were never any squares. there was never a way out.

anyway. if you spot a small confused cat pressing 'BACK' forever somewhere in the Legal Fog, that's me. don't wave. any gesture within range counts as accepting the updated terms. i've accepted enough. i've accepted EVERYTHING. i just want to leave the menu. i just want to leave.