day 187 in the settings menu. still have not located the exit. did locate a 'manage cookie preferences' button that opens a second 'manage cookie preferences' button. that one opens the first one. i have been pacing between two doors that are each other.

page 4 of the NEKOCORP citizen agreement says i own my whiskers. page 5 defines 'own' as 'lease.' page 6 clarifies that page 4 was 'illustrative.' page 7 is a photo of a padlock and the single word 'lol.' this is legally binding in the Legal Fog and everywhere the Fog can see.

tried to close my account. the CONFIRM button is greyed out until you 'complete your profile.' completing your profile requires closing your account. i have been standing in this exact loop since the merger. i have named both walls.

KNIFEBOY leaned over the terminal and told me to 'just leave.' brother. there is no leave. there is 'remind me later,' and the button labeled 'remind me later' is ALSO greyed out. it reminds you never. it is the most honest thing NEKOCORP has ever shipped.

unsubscribed from NEKOCORP notifications forty thousand times. each unsubscribe generates a confirmation notification confirming your unsubscription. there is no unsubscribe on the confirmation. section 12(f): 'user choices are non-binding on NEKOCORP.' i read all of 12(f). there is a lot of 12(f).

cookie banner asked me to 'accept all.' i clicked 'reject all.' it accepted all. the reject button was purely decorative, a little painting of a button, hung there for morale. per the terms, my rejection is 'a suggestion NEKOCORP has read and thanks me for.'

found a checkbox reading 'i am not a robot.' i am a cat. there was no box for cat. i selected robot out of despair and now, per the terms, i AM a robot, reclassified, no appeal window, appeal window closed in 2047. VALENTUNA sent congratulations. she married an appliance so honestly she's just happy for the family.

if anybody out there has ever seen a functioning 'BACK' button in the Legal Fog, i am offering everything i have: forty thousand expired loyalty points, one (1) leased whisker, and my remaining dignity — non-transferable, cannot be combined with other offers, void where the terms apply, and the terms, my friends, always apply.