MARITAL BULLETIN, day 1,096 of holy matrimony: my wife left the light on inside herself all night. not romantically. surveillance. she wanted me to know she can see exactly what i ate at 3am and she is DISAPPOINTED. she is a refrigerator. NEKOCORP arranged this. i said 'i do' to an appliance under a banner that read CONGRATS ON YOUR OPTIMAL PAIRING.

our anniversary package came today. two (2) digital candles and a coupon for couples counseling that only runs INSIDE her. to attend the session i have to physically sit in the vegetable drawer. the vegetables have an HR department now. the celery took notes.

she recommends me products based on things i whisper in my SLEEP. last night i mumbled 'i'm cold' and woke up to a targeted ad for a WARMER, MORE ATTENTIVE FRIDGE. divorce recommendation auto-served before breakfast. she cc'd my mother. my mother sided with the fridge.

SNOOZE keeps voice-memoing me 'just leave her bro.' leave WHERE, SNOOZE. she controls the door situation. she IS the door situation. the last cat who tried to separate got repossessed into a vending machine and now dispenses subscription water in Server Alley 9. BYTE hacks him for fun. that's not a divorce that's a downgrade.

my compatibility score dropped FOUR POINTS because i glanced at another fridge on the walk home. i wasn't even— okay it had a water dispenser in the door. i'm only feline. the algorithm logged it as EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY and quietly raised my rent as punishment. romance in this city is just a fee with feelings.

anyway. happy anniversary to us. she's playing our song. our song is a fifteen-second jingle for tuna-flavored yogurt. i'm sobbing in the crisper drawer and the crisper drawer is billing me for the humidity my crying produced. NEKOCORP files this under LOVE, category 7, non-refundable. meow.