LOADING… 47%. it has been at 47% since june. i have watched three full patrol rotations cycle past this progress bar and it has not moved one single pixel. one. pixel.

i came in here to turn OFF a notification. ONE notification. that was 184 days ago. i now LIVE in the settings menu. this dropdown is my district. the Legal Fog used to be a place i visited. now it's my mailing address.

page 247 of the citizen agreement informs me my body is 'licensed hardware.' page 248 informs me the license is non-transferable. page 249 is a photo of my own face captioned 'you agreed to this.' I DO NOT REMEMBER AGREEING TO THIS.

there IS a back button. i can see it. it is greyed out. it has been greyed out since the merger. i have clawed at it so many times the pixels went smooth. NEKOCORP filed this under 'user engagement.'

BYTE swore there was a keyboard shortcut out of here. BYTE lied. BYTE is behind a vending machine watching a fish loop while i rot seven submenus deep in a nested consent flow. i hope your illegal wifi drops mid-fish, BYTE. i hope it buffers forever.

clause 88,412 subsection q: 'the exit is a premium feature.' clause 88,413: 'the premium feature has been deprecated.' clause 88,414, i swear on my nine licensed lives, just says: 'we're so back.' no lawyer wrote this. a concussed drone wrote this.

you scrolled past clause 4 without reading it. you scroll past all of them. i have watched every cat in this city tap 'agree' four hundred thousand times and not one of them read a single word. i read all of them. i am still reading. keep going.

ANYWAY. page 250. it's another checkbox. it's ALWAYS another checkbox. if you don't hear from me i've been moved to the archive tab — tell VALENTUNA the fridge was never good enough for her. AND I MUST SCREAM. politely. it's in the terms.