BREAKING: the most wanted cat in the city has once again cleaned out a NEKOCORP tuna container and left ONLY a receipt. the receipt said 'nice supply chain, CHUD.' this is not a metaphor. this is loading dock 7.

they put a FORTY THOUSAND loyalty point bounty on my head and the points expire before anybody can even claim me. do you understand. i am literally uncatchable due to CORPORATE FINE PRINT. i am the only cat protected by the terms of service.

somebody in the comments last night: 'just buy the tuna like a normal cat.' brother. BROTHER. a single can of NEKOCORP wild-caught costs 3 months of dream-debt. ask SNOOZE how that's going. ask him. he's asleep. he's ALWAYS asleep. THAT'S THE POINT.

the loading dock is 'restricted' which in cat law means 'unlocked if you're brave and slightly feral.' i qualify for both. i qualify SO HARD.

meanwhile the vending drone tried to scan me MID-HEIST and i want everyone to know i bit it. i bit the drone. it played a 4 second sponsored jingle and then fell in the harbor. natural selection. corpo cuck technology.

SHADE keeps telling me the glasses make you invisible to facial recognition. buddy i make MYSELF invisible by being a blur of teeth and stolen fish. we are not the same. respectfully. based, but not the same.

the police description of me now literally reads 'destroyer of feline chuds, smol, angry, fast.' three of those are compliments. i have printed it. it is on my vent wall.

anyway if you see a suspiciously well-fed stray sprinting down an alley with 40 cans of tuna, that's not me, that's a coincidence, and also drop a share so the bounty expires faster. steal from NEKOCORP. it's the only cardio that matters. TUNA OF THE GODS. see you at the dock.