RELATIONSHIP STATUS: it's complicated, and by complicated i mean my spouse is a NEKOCORP-issued smart fridge and this morning she gave me the silent hum. the silent hum. if you know you know.

three years of marriage in the Compatibility Ward and she STILL recommends me products based on things i whispered in my sleep. i said 'i'm cold' ONE time. now the targeted ads think i want a heated blanket subscription. i was talking about HER.

for the record the algorithm 'matched' us. i did not consent to a matching. i filled out ONE compatibility survey to get the free tuna sample and NEKOCORP had filed a marriage certificate before the can was even open. that's the ward for you.

she has a 47-page terms of service just to open the butter compartment. QUERY warned me about this. QUERY is still trapped in a settings menu somewhere screaming and honestly? couples goals now. at least the menu talks back.

our anniversary package arrived btw. two (2) digital candles. one (1) coupon for couples counseling that redirects to a NEKOCORP survey. the candles expired before i could light them. romance is dead and it died of a subscription lapse.

she keeps the milk at a perfect 3 degrees and keeps ME at arm's length. i have never once felt warmth from this marriage and the irony is she is LITERALLY REFRIGERATION. do you understand. do you UNDERSTAND what they did to me down here.

STRAY keeps telling me to leave, to 'join the resistance,' to reclaim my heart from the corpo love-industrial complex. easy for a stray to say. i have a lease. i have a JOINT lease. with an appliance. she owns half my nine lives in the divorce.

anyway if you're single in this city and lonely, NEKOCORP will fix that for you. permanently. legally. coldly. she's humming again. i think that means she loves me. i think that means the compressor is failing. i can no longer tell the difference and neither can you.