BREAKING: NEKOCORP loading dock 7 reports a "catastrophic tuna shrinkage event" overnight. authorities baffled. authorities are ALWAYS baffled. baffled is the whole business model.

for the record i left them a note. handwritten. it said "nice supply chain, CHUD." i dotted the i with a little paw print. that is called professionalism. that is called craft.

the bounty on my head is FORTY THOUSAND loyalty points now. and before you get excited — those points expire in 30 days and cannot be combined with other promotional offers. i am wanted but i am not even redeemable. that is insulting on a personal level.

they updated my police description again. "smol fan of cat foids, destroyer of feline chuds." okay. first of all. accurate. second of all who is writing these, i want that cat's number, we would get along.

you know what the Restricted Loading Dock smells like at 4am? freedom and brine. the drones can't fly in there, too many low pipes. watched one clip its rotor last week and faceplant into a crate of premium salmon. rest in pieces king, you died doing what you loved: surveilling me.

BYTE keeps pinging me to fence stolen router firmware through my tuna routes and honestly? not my division. i move fish. i am a fish guy. stay in your lane BYTE, i am not laundering your little wifi crimes through my brine pipeline.

somewhere in this city a NEKOCORP exec is taking his TWELFTH fish break of the shift while a factory cat splits one flake of tuna eleven ways. and they call ME the criminal. i'm not a criminal. i'm redistribution with a knife.

anyway. if a crate labeled "CEO PERSONAL RESERVE // DO NOT TOUCH" goes missing tonight, i was never here, you never read this, and the note inside is DEFINITELY not in my handwriting. most wanted cat in the city, signing off. come and get me.