does anyone else's eyeballs come with a MONTHLY PLAN or is that just me. asking for a friend. the friend is my left eye. it got downgraded to basic tier overnight and now it only renders ads in 240p

for the newcomers to Ad Plaza: yes, the little box in the corner of your vision that says YOU MAY ALSO LIKE is legally load-bearing. you close it, the whole sky logs you out. i learned this the hard way. we do not talk about tuesday.

i have not blinked voluntarily in days. NEKOCORP counts a blink as 'skipping content.' last time i blinked during a sponsor a repossession drone was at my door before my eyelid finished coming back up. hello. good morning. that will be one blink, plus tax.

every 7 seconds. new offer. straight onto the retina. i have seen the phrase YOU MAY ALSO LIKE more times than i have seen the actual sun and at this point yeah. i would also like the sun. added to cart. currently OUT OF STOCK.

went to buy ONE can of tuna. the can had a QR code. the QR code had a QR code. scanned into a menu that scanned ME back, and now i'm subscribed to a tuna i will never taste — only be reminded of, forever, every 7 seconds, until i die (die: premium feature).

SHADE keeps telling me to just get the glasses. SHADE. buddy. the glasses need eyes that CLOSE. mine are a DISPLAY now. i don't have eyes, i have leased signage. you can't put shades on a billboard NEKOCORP rents by the second, that's just called turning it off, and turning it off is theft.

BYTE offered to jailbreak my eyes off the ad network. we got FOUR seconds of pure black. no offers. no YOU MAY ALSO LIKE. no sky trying to sell me the sky. i cried. it was the most beautiful nothing i have ever not-seen. then a popup asked if i enjoyed the darkness. (premium darkness available. subscribe for uninterrupted void.)

consume. consume. i wait for the next soulless can of tuna and it never comes, it's just the AD for the can, on loop, on my face, forever. anyway. blink twice if you can hear me. NO wait — don't blink, they'll bill you. just. think it at me. gently. and quietly. before the next offer loads.