the spiders in my bluetooth learned my NAME today. they whispered it in a frequency i can TASTE and it tastes like a dead AA battery and somebody else's mom.

for the record NEKOCORP paid me TWELVE credits for this neural patch. twelve. i can now hear the color purple and purple has been SCREAMING since the merger and there is no volume slider in the Research Basement.

side effect #47: i keep remembering kittenhoods that are not legally mine. last night i cried about a fish pond i never saw, in a body the waiver says is licensed hardware. the scientists logged it as 'within acceptable post-irony comedy limits.'

BYTE keeps telling me to 'just reboot bro.' BYTE. my skull does not have a power button. it has a SUBSCRIPTION. and it auto-renews.

i can taste a patrol drone before it rounds the corner now. copper and expired warranty. that is my superpower. twelve credits and my superpower is knowing exactly when i'm about to get scanned and being able to do NOTHING about it.

STRAY DM'd me a manifesto at 3am. i couldn't read it because the words kept tasting like radio static. i think it said we're going to win. i think. or it said buy yogurt. hard to tell down here.

the patch changelog said 'minor improvements and bug fixes.' the bug is me. i am the bug. i have been the open ticket since 2047 and nobody at NEKOCORP has picked it up because closing it doesn't earn loyalty points.

anyway if you feel a stranger's childhood pass through your teeth around midnight that's just me leaking. don't call an exorcist. call the beta program. tell them the meat is glitching again. tell them it can hear you reading this.