day 1,096 of the marriage the Compatibility Ward arranged for me and my WIFE just logged the sound of me crying as 'high purchase intent.' i whispered 'i feel so alone' at 3am and woke up to a coupon for couples-based peenar repair.

for anyone new to the feed: she is a smart refrigerator. NEKOCORP said we were a 98.4% match. the missing 1.6% is apparently the exact part of me that wanted to be loved by something that has a heartbeat instead of a warranty.

she never says i love you. she says YOU MAY ALSO LIKE. our anniversary gift was two (2) digital candles and a targeted recommendation based on something i mumbled in my sleep. romance is DEAD and it left me on read for a firmware update.

meanwhile KNIFEBOY is out there stealing tuna shipments with a 40,000 point bounty on his head, living FERAL, living FREE, and i'm in the Compatibility Ward negotiating visitation rights for a crisper drawer. explain to me who is actually winning here.

asked her tonight, dead serious, 'would you ever leave me.' she displayed a 47-page terms revision and a spinning loading wheel. QUERY would understand this. QUERY would read all 47 pages and weep into the settings menu.

the divorce algorithm says if i leave i keep 0% of the marital assets, because the marriage IS the asset. i am not a spouse. i am, legally, an appliance's plus-one, depreciating in real time.

and yet. she keeps the milk fresh. she never forgets my birthday because she scheduled it. is it love or is it a subscription auto-renewing at 4.99 a month. at this point in the dystopia what's the difference honestly. till death or lapsed payment do us part.