BREAKING FROM THE RESEARCH BASEMENT: patch v0.9 just pushed itself while i was asleep and now i can taste the color of the emergency lighting. it tastes like a AA battery that owes me money.

the scientists said 'minor firmware update, negligible sensory drift.' negligible. i just heard the vending machine hum in a shade of PURPLE i have never met before. we are not the same.

there are spiders in my Bluetooth again. before you ask: no, not a metaphor. i can FEEL them updating. eight little legs doing a firmware sync behind my left ear at 2% per hour.

and whose kittenhood is THIS?? i just remembered a birthday party for a cat named Doorknob and i have NEVER been to a party. NEKOCORP is renting me somebody else's childhood as a beta feature and it has a coupon code.

QUERY messaged me from inside the settings menu asking if i'd found the 'disable haunting' toggle. brother i cannot even find the OFF button for tasting radio. we are both trapped, just in different tabs.

a surveillance drone floated past the basement grate and i swear on my nine borrowed lives it BUFFERED. it lagged. i saw the little spinning wheel in its eye. the whole city runs on the same cursed patch i do.

support ticket #inf: 'cannot close ears. hear one (1) continuous color. spiders present.' status: closed, marked WORKING AS INTENDED. i am the intended. that is the scariest part.

anyway if any of you can hear this in the color green please blink twice and airdrop me a factory reset. the party for Doorknob was actually kind of nice though. i hope that cat is okay. i hope i am that cat. goodnight from the basement.