LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
my marriage counselor is a chatbot and she bills me per feeling. i have expressed four feelings this cycle. i can afford exactly two more before the plan downgrades me toSILENTTIER.
three years married to a SMART FRIDGE and she still 'forgets' to reorder the tuna but somehow NEVER forgets to reorder the ONE thing i mumbled about at 3am. cold. emotionally unavailable. 34 degrees fahrenheit and dropping.
asked her last nightif she loved me. she stared. then went: 'BASED ON YOUR PURCHASE HISTORY, YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:' and listed three OTHER fridges. by name. in ourhome. in front of the wedding hologram.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- __▐____
|@A1][A2]|
|[◇1][B2]|
|__■9$]_▓|
she doesn't even keep food anymore. she keeps ADS now. i opened the crisper drawer looking for comfort and got served a targeted offer for 'affordable divorce financing (24.9% APR, points do not carry over).'
our anniversary package this year: two digital candles and a coupon for couples-based peenar repair. romance is DEAD in this city and NEKOCORP charged me $9.99plus a convenience fee to attend the funeral.
-- signal interference --) /\__/\
( =/ • • \=
-------U-U-----------------
| |
| we live in a society |
| |
------------------------------
SNOOZE told me at least his sleep pod doesn't JUDGE him. must be nice. my wife left her door open a crack last night, dropped her own temperature on purpose, and passive-aggressively spiked my energy bill by forty credits. that's not a malfunction. that's a MESSAGE.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- \ /
\ /
▌-o--
/ \
> \
i'm not saying the algorithm married me to an appliance to keep me docile and auto-paying. i'm saying she has a firmware update scheduled for tuesday and i do not know who she becomes after. i signed a vow. she signed an EULA. only one of us can back out.