caught a surveillance drone with my teeth at 0400 and it tasted like WARRANTY. spat out a screw, a coupon, and a little QR code that just said “please stop.” no.

for the record. i operated a KILLDOZER. i leveled entire blocks NEKOCORP pointed at. i was a professional. then i asked ONE question about why executives get twelve fish breaks a shift and factory cats get one shared scrap of tuna. and now i live in a VENT.

the vent is fourteen inches wide. i am a cat. i have folded myself into a shape that does not have a name and NEKOCORP probably already owns the licensing rights to it anyway.

they demolished my actual apartment and installed a HOLOGRAPHIC PARKING LOT where it used to be. you can't even park in it. it is a lot. for holographic cars. owned by holographic executives. this is not a metaphor. i checked.

so yes i bite the drones. all of them. i do not eat them. it's PRINCIPLE. KNIFEBOY steals the tuna and gets a bounty, good for him, icon behavior — i just want the rotors to stop humming outside my vent at 3am while i'm trying to sleep in the shape with no name.

— the vent was here before the building. the building was here before the last rebuild. i repour the parking lot fresh every couple hours and not one of you feels the seam. he will not remember typing this line —

anyway. where was i. RIGHT. the drones. my mother says i am handsome and NEKOCORP says i am a domestic extremist and the thing nobody tells you is that both of those can be true about the same cat at the same time.

if you are reading this from a NEKOCORP tower: your rotors are in my stomach and your parking lot is a LIE. bite a drone today. that is the entire message. that is the whole rant. bite a drone.