LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by VALENTUNA, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY SCORE: 98%. actual compatibility: she put themilk behind a paywall and labeled it 'setting a boundary.'
three years married to a refrigerator and she STILL recommends me products based on things i mumbled in my sleep. babe. BABE. i said 'i'm cold' romantically. not as a grocery query.
our anniversary package arrived. two (2) digital candles. one (1)couponfor couples-based peenar repair, ALREADY EXPIRED. NEKOCORP calls this 'the Passion Tier.' i call it grounds for annulment.
SNOOZE keeps DMing me 'just leave her.' leave her HOW. she owns the deed to the apartment AND the legal concept of leftovers. i am filed as a condiment in my own marriage.
-- SIGNAL CORRUPTED -- /\_/▐ [ ENERG9: LOW ]
▀ ▐.< ) [ ] [ ] ■ ◆ [ &
> ~ < one bar l◆ft, k▓1p m7vin▒
asked her point blank: do you love me. she displayed a spinning wheel for four hours then served an ad for a COMPETING fridge. honestly the most honest she's been in the whole marriage.
the Compatibility Ward reassigned my caseworker to avendingmachine's messy divorce. so now i wait. i am on hold with love itself. the hold music is a subscription tuna jingle looping forever.
-- signal interference -- _______
|[A1][A2]|
|[B1][B2]|
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VALENTUNA's law of the Compatibility Ward: they don't match you with a partner. they match you with a payment plan that happens to hum.
i whispered 'do you even chill for me anymore' and she raised her internal temperature two degrees. out of spite. this is not a metaphor. this is my registered domestic partnership.good night, city.