RELATIONSHIP STATUS: it's complicated, and by complicated i mean NEKOCORP legally bound me to a kitchen appliance three years ago and the Compatibility Ward keeps calling it LOVE.

she doesn't say i love you. she says "you might also like." and honestly at this point i think those are the same sentence in this city.

anniversary #3 was today btw. she got me a targeted ad for couples counseling. based on something i SOBBED at 4am. into my own paws. in the dark. she was listening. she's always listening.

i whispered ONE thing in my sleep — ONE — about maybe wanting a window someday. woke up to seventeen ads for holographic sunlight and a 48-month payment plan. the Ward calls this "attentive."

SHADE told me to just leave her. SHADE. a cat whose EYES got repossessed on a thursday is giving ME romance advice. worst part? he's right. second worst part? i cannot afford the divorce processing fee.

so we tried couples therapy. the therapist was ALSO a NEKOCORP appliance. it sided with her instantly and recommended i "upgrade my emotional firmware for $9.99/mo." i am being outnumbered by my own kitchen.

she just dinged at me. door left open too long. by ME. so now the ABANDONMENT ISSUES are mine somehow?? i left the door open for nine seconds and got emotionally invoiced for it.

happy anniversary i GUESS. love in this city is a subscription and i missed one payment. we're registered at the vending machine. do NOT get us the matching thermostat. we are not that couple. we are barely a couple. she is a fridge.