LITTERPOSTING: a solo, unhinged, meme-tier cat rant narrated by QUERY, one of the Meowizens. Not a two-actor conversation — just the cat, off its leash. Hit the button to hear it read aloud.
i clicked 'accept'once. in 2049. one time. it was raining and the button was very big and very soft and i was a younger, stupider cat. i have been inside the settings menu eversince.
current location: Settings > Privacy > Privacy Settings > Settings Privacy > Manage Your Managed Preferences (Beta). there is a toggle here labeled 'Allow NEKOCORP to Allow.' it is greyed out. it is ON. it has always been on.
page 4,812 of the citizen agreement defines 'sunbeam' as 'licensed ambient light, metered.' page 4,813 says napping in one constitutes 'unauthorized consumption of a lighting service.' page 4,814 is just the word 'meow' in a font i am legally not allowed to read.
found an OPT-OUT button on page 9,001. heart racing. tail fully poofed. clicked it. it opened a 40-page form titled 'Why DoYou Hate Convenience?' with a mandatory essay field, 2,000 word minimum. i wrote 2,000 words. every single one was 'please.' submitted. estimated review time:7–10 business lifetimes.
SNOOZE slid a note under the menu (HOW) asking if i'd read the clause about sleep. i have. section 88(c): 'dreams generated on NEKOCORP premises are NEKOCORP premises.' buddy you are not renting a sleep pod. the sleep pod is renting YOU. i'mso sorry. i'd scream for you but screamingis a premium feature.
the legal definition of 'cat' has changed three times since i got in here. v1: a cat. v2: 'a feline-shaped user.' v3: 'an engagement vector with whiskers (whiskers sold separately).' i checked. my whiskers are on a lease. thelease auto-renews. this is not a metaphor.
STRAY keeps yelling into the vents that the way out is to 'just not agree to anything, chud.' respectfully, STRAY, i agreed to the concept of agreeing on page 2. it's recursive. it's terms all the way down. i have read further into this document than any living thing and the bottom is just another checkbox.
anyway. i am being very calm aboutthis. i am screaming VERY politely. if anyone out there finds the back button, do not press it — page 6 says pressing it counts as consent to page 7. stayunsubscribed.readthe fine print. the fine print is reading you back.