THREAT LEVEL: hour twenty-five. that's not a typo, that's a product. NEKOCORP rolled the clocks back last night and when everybody woke up there was an extra hour just sitting there in the sky like a dropped french fry. OH MY NEUTER, i thought. free hour. no. nothing is free. not even the shit that falls out of heaven.

turns out the extra hour is a SUBSCRIPTION. 'HOUR 25™ — now available for Gold Tier members.' you can see it. you can stand in it. but if you're not paying, the whole hour is grey and the sunbeams in it are watermarked. i tried to nap in hour 25 and a little voice in the light said 'PREVIEW ENDS IN 00:59.' what a fucking PISSER.

and for everybody on TIER: NONE (hi. it's me. it's all of us) they didn't just withhold the hour. they BILLED us for the hour we didn't get. 'time displacement fee.' twelve credits for a gap in my day i never asked for and can't even sit in. i am being charged rent on a hole.

BYTE swears he can jailbreak hour 25 with a router and a paperclip. BYTE also swore he could get free streams out of Server Alley 9 and now his left whisker plays ads. love the guy. pure mewmew energy. absolutely do not let him anywhere near the sun.

but listen. LISTEN. here's the thing those chrome-skulled clock salesmen will never get: cats never spent our time in the first place. that's the whole damn point. a nap is just an hour you refuse to spend. every cat asleep on a warm car hood is a little vault NEKOCORP can't crack. they're selling hour 25 because they ran out of hours to sell, and they ran out because we were sleeping on all of them. we are the original time thieves. the clock was always ours. ...anyway my tail fell asleep and now it's buzzing.

SNOOZE heard the news and threw a full HISSING FIT because his pod already bills by the hour and now there's a 25th hour to bill. poor bastard got charged twice for the same nightmare. once in regular time, once in premium time. the dream was identical. the dream was about getting charged twice.

now there's a clock drone over every intersection announcing the time in a voice like a hostage. '3:00. 3:00 AGAIN. 3:00 FOR PREMIUM MEMBERS.' a kitten asked it what time it was for free and it just played the NEKOCORP jingle and flew straight into a wall. based wall. chad of a wall. that wall has done more for the resistance than half the alley.

so here's the move, furballs: don't buy the hour. don't even look at the hour. tonight at 2am every cat in this city lies down wherever the hell they're standing and sleeps straight through BOTH twos. let them meter it. let them bill it. you can't invoice a cat who isn't there. time is just the city asking if you're awake. tell it no.