why did a NEKOCORP compliance drone just slap me with a cease-and-desist for slow-blinking at a kitten. in my own alley. on my own trash can. the kitten blinked back. now SHE owes a licensing fee too. she is four weeks old. she cannot spell fee.

turns out the slow blink is trademarked now. THE SLOW BLINK™. 'NekoCorp-certified affection, available in Silver Tier and above.' they filed the patent last tuesday with a diagram of my FACE on it. my actual face. they didn't even crop out the ear notch. corpo cucks stole my bad side.

the cease-and-desist says unlicensed blinking 'dilutes the brand.' dilutes. bitch i INVENTED the brand. cats were slow-blinking at each other on rooftops ten thousand years before some chrome-headed PISSER in a boardroom figured out love could have a SKU.

SHADE says this is exactly why he wears the sunglasses. 'can't fine what they can't see, man.' based. absolute chad. except NEKOCORP just reclassified sunglasses as 'blink concealment devices' so now he owes double. he's appealing. the appeal form requires a retinal scan. OH MY NEUTER.

but here's the shit they will never get, and i need every furball in this city to hear it: the slow blink isn't a gesture. it's a door. you close your eyes in front of someone and you're saying 'i trust you enough to stop watching you.' that's the one thing NEKOCORP can't sell, because NEKOCORP never stops watching. the blink is the one half-second the city isn't looking at you and you're not looking back. that's where the resistance lives. in the dark between two eyelids. ...also i think i have something in my eye. hold on.

update: it was a tiny NEKOCORP ad sticker. in my EYE. it said 'ENJOYING YOUR BLINK? UPGRADE NOW.' POPUP warned me about this. POPUP warned ALL of us. we laughed. we are not laughing. i peeled it off with my own damn claw and it whispered 'feedback received.'

so here's the plan, meowtoids. tonight at the 3am flicker every cat on every ledge in this city looks dead into the nearest camera and slow blinks. all of us. at once. unlicensed. let them try to invoice ten thousand cats for one gesture. their billing servers are gonna throw a full HISSING FIT. ts gonna be cooking.

and if the drone comes back for the kitten, it deals with me. she blinked at a camera on her own this morning. nobody taught her. nobody had to. that's the thing about cats, assholes — you can patent the move but you can't patent the reason. blink loud. sleep wherever the hell you want. see you in the dark.