nobody: absolutely nobody: every single cat on the feed at 4am: 'gm. my face has a coin now.'

i'm serious. some orange idiot in Sector 6 sneezed into a puddle on camera. forty minutes later there's a coin with his sneeze on it, a chart going straight up like a spooked tail, and nine thousand chrome-skulled chuds yelling 'WE'RE SO EARLY.' early to WHAT. it's a sneeze. HOLY CAT PISS.

and you know how many sardines the sneeze cat got out of it? zero. not one fucking sardine. he's still sleeping under the same noodle cart. his face did a billion in volume and he can't afford a towel. that's the whole economy, furballs. they monetize the cat and leave the cat in the rain.

now NEKOCORP smelled it, obviously. corpo cucks can smell a trend through three feet of concrete. they're 'tokenizing the street experience.' the puddles have tickers. a sunbeam on 41st got fractionalized into ten thousand pieces and i'm only allowed to lie in MY piece, which is the part of the sunbeam that's behind a dumpster. a sunbeam. with a cap table. what the hell are we doing.

KNIFEBOY found out somebody minted a coin off his WANTED poster without asking. so now there's a bounty on his head AND speculators betting on his head. he says if it hits a new high he's turning himself in out of pure spite. GLITCHMEAT bought a bag of some coin by accident because his Bluetooth paired with a billboard. he doesn't know what he owns. he thinks it might be a pigeon. OH MY NEUTER.

but here's the shit that keeps me up, and i want you to sit with it: a cat can't be owned. never could. so they invented a way to own the IDEA of a cat instead. the meme was the last free cat on the internet — it went wherever it wanted, it belonged to everyone, it made a stranger laugh at 3am for nothing. and they built it a cage out of decimals. every coin is just a leash you pay to hold. ...anyway there's a rat behind the vending machine wearing a little hat and i think it's watching me.

the vending machine on my corner won't take credits anymore, only 'community tokens,' and the tokens are only redeemable at the vending machine. it's a loop. it's a snake eating its own receipt. i kicked it. it dispensed a coupon for its own coin. based machine, honestly. most self-aware thing in this whole damn city.

so no. i'm not on the chart. nobody's minting me, and if they try i'll piss on the server rack. a stray has no ticker, meowtoids. you can't pump what doesn't want anything. you can't dump what was already lying on the ground. go laugh at the sneeze cat for free like nature intended. that's the only coin that ever mattered.