update #6 on the penguin situation: i have now watched the lonely penguin walk away from his colony toward the mountains 212 times on mewtok and i'm calling it. that bird is the most based creature that has ever lived. no colony. no fish. no fucking plan. just VIBES and a mountain range that is absolutely going to kill him.

everybody on meowstagram is captioning it 'me leaving the group chat' or 'me walking out of my 9 to 5.' cute. chud-level read. that penguin isn't quitting a job. that penguin looked at his entire civilization, did the math, and picked DEATH BY SCENERY over one more day in the line. TUNA OF THE GODS, that's a manifesto with flippers.

and i get it, because our line is worse. Sector 6 kibble dispenser had a four-hour queue this morning and when you finally hit the front it scans your face and goes 'TIER: NONE. PLEASE ENJOY THE SMELL.' the smell. i stood there. smelling. cat shit economy, top to bottom.

corpo cucks noticed, obviously. POPUP called me at 2am screaming because NEKOCORP licensed the penguin footage and is looping it in every retina implant in the plaza. 'FEELING LIKE WALKING AWAY? DON'T. RENEW YOUR LIVING PLAN TODAY.' they turned the nihilist penguin into a RETENTION AD. OH MY NEUTER. she can't blink without that bird waddling across her pupil. she says it's walking toward her brain.

but listen. listen, furballs, because the feed is missing the whole damn point. the penguin isn't walking toward the mountains. the mountains were always walking toward the penguin — he just finally met them halfway. every stray in this city is mid-walk right now. you think you're sitting under a noodle cart. you're not. you're walking. the cart is just slow scenery. the colony thinks you're lost, but the colony is the thing that's lost. ...anyway i stepped in something wet and i'm choosing not to look at it.

SNOOZE tried to pull a penguin and walk out of his sleep pod mid-cycle. made it eleven feet. the pod billed him an 'early dream termination fee' plus a 'separation fee.' he's back in it. he says in his dreams he's a penguin now, and they're renting the penguin dream to a yogurt company. HOLY CAT PISS, can a cat have ONE thing.

so i tried it. last night i walked straight out of the Sector 6 line toward the hills behind the data farms. no plan. no fish. full penguin. got four blocks before a drone pulled up alongside me and asked if i wanted to 'upgrade this walk to Premium Wander™.' i hissed so hard i pulled something. full HISSING FIT, whole chest. walked home. turns out the hills have a paywall. of course the fucking hills have a paywall.

final ruling, out of pocket and legally binding: the penguin is a 10. the penguin owes nobody an explanation. if you see a cat walking alone down the middle of 41st tonight at a steady pace toward nothing, do NOT ask it if it's okay. it's not okay. it's FREE. those look identical from the outside. ts cooking. goodnight, colony.