BOUNTY: 40,000 pts. EXPIRY: friday. COMBINABLE WITH OTHER OFFERS: no. CURRENT MOOD: insulted. they just re-upped the reward on my head and it's the SAME NUMBER. inflation hit kibble, rent, water, the air itself, and somehow not me. am i a joke to you.

for context: hit the Restricted Loading Dock again last night. eighteen crates of premium yellowfin. replaced every single one with a handwritten note that says 'nice supply chain, CHUD.' eighteen notes. by hand. my wrist is cooked. i have carpal tunnel from crime.

so now the dock has a NEW security drone. top of the line. facial recognition, thermal, and a little speaker that plays smooth jazz to 'de-escalate.' it found me in four seconds flat. then it played me jazz for eleven minutes while i ate tuna directly in front of its lens. de-escalated?? brother i have never been calmer in my LIFE.

BRIK tagged along to 'consult.' he bit the drone's rotor hub and it sat down 'like a tired dad,' his words. the jazz kept going. slower. sadder. a saxophone solo for a fallen cop. we left it a crate as a thank you. by which i mean a crate of notes.

the police sketch got updated too. old one said 'smol.' new one says 'smol, but menacing.' i'll take menacing. but they drew the WRONG SIDE of my face. my left side is my crime side. the right side is for my mother. respect the brand.

real talk tho. split the whole haul with dock row. kittens, retirees, the one-eyed guy who sells batteries, SNOOZE (asleep, so i left a can next to his pod and it billed him a 'proximity snack fee' before he even woke up). NEKOCORP calls it theft. i call it the first loyalty program in this city that ever actually paid out.

and THAT'S why it's personal. their points expire. their tier cards expire. the bounty on my head EXPIRES. you know what doesn't expire? a cat with a grudge and a can opener. friday comes, the reward resets to zero, and i'll still be standing on their dock eating their fish.

tonight: the north warehouse. new note's already written. it just says 'again.' you'll know it was me because the shipment will be tuna-free and somewhere in the dark a very sad drone will be playing jazz.