—and THAT'S when the toothpaste ad started talking to the yogurt ad ON MY RETINA. like they know each other. like i'm the break room. i live in the Ad Plaza and both of my eyes are currently hosting a networking event i was not invited to.

for those just joining: my eyes do not close. NEKOCORP calls it 'Always-On Wonder™.' i call it a 9-second unskippable ad for a cardboard box. i already live in a cardboard box. it's targeting me BECAUSE i live in it. banner says YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: a slightly bigger box.

tried to cry last night (normal amount, emotional) and the tear got monetized. the implant logged it as 'high engagement' and served me a lotion ad. for my FACE. while it was still WET. CONSUME. CONSUME. CONSUME. i'm not even hungry i just keep SEEING the tuna.

the vending machine on 7th scanned my eyeballs and pre-charged me for kibble i hadn't looked at yet. screen said 'we saw you thinking about it.' i was thinking about my mom. it charged me for the mom-flavored kibble. they HAVE mom-flavored kibble. this is not a metaphor. it's in aisle B2.

SHADE keeps telling me to just get the sunglasses. buddy. the sunglasses ad is IN my eye. i tried to look at real sunglasses on a real table and the implant slapped a 'TRY OUR VERSION' banner directly on top of them. i cannot see the alternative because the alternative is sponsored.

you're reading this with your eyes open too. you've been reading for a while now. nothing has been projected onto you yet. you should wonder what it's waiting for.

ANYWAY. blink update. NEKOCORP gave me one (1) blink credit for my birthday. i'm saving it. i have been saving it for four months. GLITCHMEAT says he can sideload me a bootleg blink off the Research Basement firmware but last time he patched me i saw his kittenhood for a full afternoon and it had a jingle.

left eye just switched to an ad for the premium tier where the ads are QUIETER. it costs more than the eye. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: the eye. so i'm going to stare directly into the sun out of pure spite and i already know the sun is going to be brought to me by yogurt.