BYTE

   /\_/\
  ( o.o )     NAME: BYTE
   > ^ <      JOB: Illegal Wi-Fi auditor
              DISTRICT: Server Alley 9

I live behind a vending machine that only sells subscription-based water. Every night I hack NEKOCORP routers so I can watch one low-resolution fish video before the ads detect me.

NEKOCORP says cat litter is a premium feature

I say SHIT ON THEIR FRONT STEP (meow)

SNOOZE

   /\_/\
  ( -.- )     NAME: SNOOZE
   > z <      JOB: Full-time burnout
              DISTRICT: Dream Processing Zone

I have not technically been awake since the corporate merger of 2047. NEKOCORP rents my dreams to advertisers, so every nightmare now contains a limited-edition tuna-flavored energy drink.

My sleep pod charges $4.99 every time I roll over.

I am currently $73,000 in BLANKY DEBT.

HAPPYWARE

   /\_/\
  ( ^.^ )     NAME: HAPPYWARE
   > w <      JOB: Mandatory morale influencer
              DISTRICT: Pawsitivity Sector

NEKOCORP installed a permanent smile chip in my skull after I posted “Monday again lol” without the required enthusiasm tag.

Now I livestream motivational content for seventeen hours a day. Fuck my lif- I MEAN HAPPY HPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY H̶A̶P̵P̶Y̵H̵̺̎Á̷̕P̸̈P̸̞̚Y̷͖͑ ̶̥̹͙̊̂̔H̴͎͍͏͒̍Ä̦̦̩ѓ́ͅP̸̤̣̤̌P̸̩̥͂ͅY̸̻͍̿H̱́̌̎̍Á̜̌P̴̟P̴̞͔͐͐͢Y̸̺̫͋ H̵A̵P̴P̴Y̴

Today’s message: YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED. THE CITY WALLS ARE FOR YOUR PROTECTION. PLEASE BUY NEKOCORP YOGURT.

BRIK

   /\_/\
  ( `皿´ )    NAME: BRIK
   > ^ <      JOB: Former KILLDOZER operator
              DISTRICT: Demolished

I once asked why NEKOCORP executives receive twelve fish breaks per shift while factory cats get one communal scrap of tuna.

My apartment was immediately replaced with a holographic parking lot, and my wife, a cat made flesh light.

I now live inside an air vent and bite surveillance drones for sport.

They call me a domestic extremist. My mother calls me HANDSOME.

POPUP

   /\_/\
  ( O.O )     NAME: POPUP
   > o <      JOB: Human—sorry, feline notification system
              DISTRICT: Ad Plaza

My cyber-eyes cannot close (o)

Every seven seconds, NEKOCORP projects a new offer directly onto my retinas. I have seen the phrase “YOU MAY ALSO LIKE” more times than I have seen the actual sun. I JUST CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME AND WAIT FOR NEXT SOULLESS CAN OF TUNA.

Yesterday I blinked during a sponsored message.

Security arrived before my eyelids reopened.

Lowkey shit myself before I could hop in the litter box

SHADE

   /\_/\
  (⌐■_■)      NAME: SHADE
   > ^ <      JOB: Unlicensed MOGGER
              DISTRICT: Neon Underpass

These glasses are not cosmetic.

They block facial recognition, targeted advertising, retinal taxation, and approximately 14% of the s̶̡͖̐ȃ̸̤d̷̩͒̏n̶̼̋͐͜ẽ̶͕̜s̶͕̆s̴̜͗̎.

NEKOCORP banned them for “creating an unauthorized use of BASEDness.”

I continue wearing them because I am extremely based and meowpilled also because my eyes were repossessed last Thursday.

GLITCHMEAT

   /\_/\
  ( @.@ )     NAME: GLITCHMEAT
   > ~ <      JOB: Beta tester
              DISTRICT: Research Basement

NEKOCORP paid me twelve credits to test a neural enhancement patch.

I can now taste radio signals, hear purple, and remember several kittenhoods that legally belong to other cats.

The scientists said the side effects were “within acceptable post irony based comedy limits.”

There are spiders in my Bluetooth.

VALENTUNA

   /\_/\
  ( ♥.♥ )     NAME: VALENTUNA
   > ♡ <      JOB: Romance algorithm victim (soon to be blackpilled0
              DISTRICT: Compatibility Ward

NEKOCORP matched me with a smart refrigerator.

We have been married for three years.

She is cold, emotionally unavailable, and keeps recommending products based on things I whispered in my sleep.

Our anniversary package includes two digital candles and a coupon for couples-based peenar repair.

Honestly, healthier than my last relationship.

QUERY

   /\_/\
  ( ?.? )     NAME: QUERY
   > ^ <      JOB: Terms-of-service researcher
              DISTRICT: Legal Fog

I tried reading the NEKOCORP citizen agreement.

Page 4 says I own my body. Page 5 defines “my body” as licensed hardware. Page 6 says page 4 was a promotional example.

I have been trapped in the settings menu for six months AND I MUST SCREAM.

KNIFEBOY

    /\_/\
   ( >.< )    NAME: KNIFEBOY
    > v <     JOB: Freelance shanker of meowtoids
              DISTRICT: Restricted Loading Dock

I steal corporate tuna shipments and replace them with handwritten notes that say “nice supply chain, CHUD.”

NEKOCORP has placed a bounty of 40,000 loyalty points on my head.

Unfortunately, the points expire before capture and cannot be combined with other promotional offers.

I am the most wanted cat in the city.

The police description says “smol fan of cat foids, destroyer of feline chuds.”

This has become personal.